There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

NEURODEVOTION

20th August, 2020

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

I didn’t know until it was too late

And he had been digging around 

To find my inner most desires

So that he could use them against me

Set me up for failure so that I would be dependent upon him

In every possible way

So that he could abuse and use

Cheat and lie

Bolster his bigger than life ego 

Until there was nothing left of me

There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

He poked around at my dreams

So that he could promise me the world

Place me onto a pedestal until he was ready to kick me off

And laugh at the pathetic shell of my old self

An empathic human that he picked at until there was nothing left

Until I no longer recognised the person I had become 

There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

And I stayed there because he took my reality

He gave me a fragmented version of life so that I no longer knew what was real

He fed me tiny bones of love so that I held on to them for dear life

Because that’s all I had

The moments that were good

The moments that became less and less

As he bolstered his bigger than life ego

With each new conquest

There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

It happened for a reason

I truly believe that

It helped me to grow

Because each time I returned

I remembered the reason I had left

Each time I returned

I trusted my gut instinct more and more

Until I found the courage

To believe in my own reality

To trust the feeling of being off balance

And to walk away 

There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

I walked away and it was not easy

It was the most difficult thing I had ever done

I walked away with my head held high and no anger in sight

I smiled and said goodbye

Because I no longer needed those tiny bones of love 

They were not real

They were fake

I told myself they were real because I wanted to feel it again and again

It was my addiction until it wasn’t

There was a time when I let a narcissist get inside my head

And I’m glad

Because now I know that my gut feeling matters

That I can walk away 

That I can hold my head high and know that I did the right thing

And I can thank him for opening my eyes to a beautiful world

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